Now I'll be honest writing about this does make me feel a little nervous - partly because it is a taboo subject in society and I don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable- in fact, I hope that this will have the opposite effect and maybe encourage you to think about it in a different way. But, the fact conversations like these are usually avoided is exactly why it needs to be spoken about more - to normalise it. So I am writing about my take on it, which is much more about loving your body and being healthy rather weighing a particular number of KG.
I think it's fair to say we all go through those moments where we feel we are all over the place and don’t feel like we have anything in control. With this, rather than how much control you have over the situation, it is much more about how you feel about the situation. A lot of feeling like you are a mess is how you perceive yourself and your surroundings - or that is what I have found anyway. Here are some of the things that have helped me feel a little bit more put together when I really was not feeling it.
I like to think I’m a person that doesn’t care what other people think and isn’t affected by it - whilst I have definitely got better with time at not focussing on what other people think, I can’t say I'm immune to what others say. I have underestimated before the impact that side comments can have over time. At first, you can shake them off, but if you hear them enough times you do begin to believe it. Realising that is what has led me to notice how important your surroundings are and just how much of an impact they can have on you. Here is what I have done or found works to keep your environment positive and "protect your energy and vibe".
Every new year, I sit and think about my aims for the year. Every single year there is this pressure to set this enormous goal and what you’re going to achieve and how suddenly, you are going to become a whole new person. Like from December 31st to the 1st of January, you are going to wake up and the person you were yesterday is a distant memory. If that is what you are into, it is fine - if it works for you then go for it. But for me the whole "new year, new you" doesn’t quite do it. I like the opportunity for a fresh start. I am all for that - having a fresh slate and a new opportunity to go for what you want. But, this idea that because it is a new year that suddenly, you’re going to completely transform, is not for me.
I recently turned 19 (in December) and I just wanted to document a little on how it feels or at least part of the journey on growing older. This is a little reflection on what I have learnt over the years and this will of course inevitably grow as I get older.
We all have those moments. Sometimes we just feel down and we can't explain it. We have an empty feeling we just can't shake off or seem to feel miserable for no particular reason. It happens to the best of us. Below are some things that have helped me when I'm feeling down.
I usually always do a post at the end of the year. But this year, I wanted to do 2. Not just one on what I learnt in 2019, but also a general reflection and year in review. I say this every single year, but I truly have no idea how 2019 has somehow come to an end. Here's some general thoughts on what I make of my experience of 2019.
So somehow 2019 is almost over and I am back writing one of these posts again. I really like looking back on my previous posts just to see how I have grown and the different things I learn each year. You can read my 2017 post here and my 2018 post here. So here are some of things I learnt in 2019 (top 5). I feel like the ones this year are a lot more about what I have learnt about myself rather than life lessons.
Finding out the people that are really there for you is something that I think we all go through and often it is when you are going through a hard time that you find who is really there to stay and your real friend. There is a saying that goes that you can count 'real' friends on the fingers of your hand and I’ve come to realise that it really is true. Some people may not call people who aren't true friends, friends at all- I use the word friends because they are still people I enjoy spending time with and care about, they just aren't people I can count on when push comes to shove.
Having moved to university just over a month ago, I came to notice the importance of having a routine. It is no secret after all that as humans we are creatures of habit. But, out of moving out of home into university and university life, this has definitely been the most difficult part - getting myself into good habits and trying to make my life feel less hectic on the daily has been a challenge. So whilst I am trying to find a routine I like and can stick to, I am just going to talk about things I have done that have been helpful in somewhat finding the routine I kind of have now, which will probably change.
I would say I am a people person and I do love spending time with my friends and family. However, one of the areas I think I have most grown and definitely grown partly in this year is enjoying my own company and being okay with being by myself. I don’t need to be surrounded by somebody every second of the day.
We all have friends, boyfriends, girlfriends etc.- people that we sometimes we want to hold on to. People we don’t let go because we think we should keep them or aren’t ready to let them go, but we’d be better off without them in our lives. This is something that isn’t easy. Sometimes it’s something that can make me feel guilty because I know that as people we aren’t perfect or I think about how things were before. But, it’s important to recognise when someone just isn’t healthy for you- this doesn’t mean that they are bad people or that you have to fall out with them. Just that maybe you need some distance. Below are some of the signs to when it could be time to let someone go.
How writing letters to myself has helped me
We are all always so busy - or feel the need to have things to do all that time that sometimes we neglect ourselves. We can get so caught up in helping others, giving ourselves to work, friends, family that we can forget to look after ourselves. Here are some of my fav things to do to reconnect with myself and sometimes just take that step back we very much need.
Stepping outside of yoru comfort zone came to mind recently when I was thinking of the fact that I have done things that my younger self would be terrified to do. I think it is important to challenge yourself, but equally not overstretch yourself so much to the point that you are putting yourself in a situation you are completely uncomfortable in and unready for.
Having moved to a new city for university recently, identity and where I’m from is a subject I find myself talking about quite a lot. Meeting new people inherently involves presenting yourself and your identity (or parts of your identity). This has made it more obvious to me how identity is not something simple and there are many dimensions to it, which can sometimes be difficult to convey to people (especially someone you have just met or when you have a short period of time). This can sometimes leave you feeling a little lost or like you are not being true to yourself.
Something I have got more into a habit of is setting goals for myself. I think I have always had some sort of target to keep myself grounded and focussed, but in the last two years, I have been setting more goals for myself regularly. For the past 2 years, I have enjoyed setting myself an overarching goal at the beginning of the year and then small goals in between to be aid reaching that bigger overall goal. I like to categorise goals into personal and academic/ work, although sometimes the two can merge.
Dear reader,
We all experience change - it is inevitable and happens and will continue to happen. It's not something I find easy if I'm honest. But, I don't think anyone does. When struggling with change, I used to beat myself up about it thinking that other people were better at it. Or that I just wasn't the best with it. Here is the thing, there is no magic formula to it and everyone struggles with it. No one is 'good at change'. There are some people who adapt to it more quickly, but everyone goes through a period of adjustment.