I’m always on the lookout for signs that I need to take a break or pause. Spotting the warning signs early on can be so beneficial and avoid burnout or feeling very overwhelmed afterwards. Over the years, these are the signs I’ve spotted in my case that indicate that things are not okay, or at least not the way they should be and I need to take time for myself. Signs will look slightly different for everyone, but if you resonate with any of these, first of all, I am sending you virtual hugs and secondly, please take time to look after yourself. You matter - don’t be afraid to reach out if you need support.
Social media is a powerful tool. It is a pretty big part of blogging for me as it allows me to share my work with more people. Connect with others. I do think social media can be used positively. Used positively, social media can contribute to good vibes and be uplifting. However, I have always had a love-hate relationship with it because whilst it can be used positively, it is really easy to fall down a rabbit hole and suddenly, it is not so good for mental health.
My blogging journey started sharing my photography. I found I had various photos which I wanted to share, but did not necessarily fit on my personal Instagram or on other social media. I wanted a place to be able share my love for photography with everyone, as well as experiment with my camera- that is how Esterella’s Photos came about. Yet, I realise that on this blog, I have not promoted my photography all that much. I am not sure if that is because I have always seen my photography as a hobby and I am not professional photographer. However, I do photograph a lot of moments, whether that be on my phone or camera. Anything I see that I think looks pretty will end up on my camera roll. Since how I got into blogging was through wanting to share those photos that capture the beauty in nature and in the ordinary, it is only right, there is at least one blog post about my photography journey.
I have written about friendships, and being okay by yourself, but realise I have never touched being single and happy. Over the last year, I’ve thought a fair amount about being single. Something about moving to university with the pressure and expectation that I am meant to find the love of my life at this point in my life has me thinking a lot about relationships.
I have recently become a lot more aware of what causes me to feel lonely - for me, I have found it is that I have been in a lot of one-sided friendships and trying to give a lot of myself to others without it being reciprocal. This lack of balance leaves me feeling like no one really cares when I am going through a difficult moment. Reaching out to people generally on a frequent basis and not getting that back when I am struggling makes me feel lonely. I think it is very useful to identify exactly what makes you feel lonely. Is it that you feel that saying you are fine when asked how you are is easier than answering honestly? You might not necessarily identify the exact reason right away - I certainly did not - it is only recently that I have been able to place my finger on what has led me to feel lonely.
I would just like to start by saying that there is no magic answer to helping someone with their mental health. There is no one right way of approaching this as every single person is different. What might work well for one person may not work as well with someone else. Figuring out what each person finds most helpful/ what could be triggering is a learning process and you will sometimes get it wrong and make mistakes. Also, I am not a doctor and in these cases, it is important to seek the help of an expert and not try and handle helping a person struggling with mental health by yourself - the help you can offer to someone as a friend or loved one will always be limited as it is not your area of expertise. The advice I am giving here is based on my own personal experience helping others. This is not a replacement for professional help. I hope someone else will find it useful, but please do not treat it as the only way to approach the situation. Furthermore, this post does not include and will not include any personal details and is purely written from my experience of the perspective of helping another person seriously struggling with mental health and wellbeing.
Like most people, I feel I have had my fair share of coming across unkind people. Individuals that want to tear you down. It is inevitable - not everyone will like you and some people choose to consciously make or try and make others feel small. Over the years, I have found different ways of approaching and dealing with it and I am going to share what has helped me the most. This post is in relation to my previous post on bullying and are some of the things I incorporated into my life to deal with it better.
Bullying- something I realised I've experienced, but haven’t spoken about on here. I wanted to create a post with hope that maybe it can help someone else or can be relatable. I hope that to those that can relate that this brings comfort that you are not alone.
I’m definitely guilty of being one of those people who feel like they constantly have to be doing something. I have to be working towards something and doing nothing usually makes me feel guilty - guilty that I should be doing more or working towards something.
I have a lot of time to think and reflect recently. That has made me much more aware of my inner dialogue. It has also made me aware of some thoughts I sometimes catch myself having that I need to change. This is not an exhaustive list- these are just some of the things that I have found I have told myself (over the years and generally) and isn't helpful. Some I have already changed my outlook to- others are still a working progress.
Helping others and looking after yourself can be a very fine balance. It can be very easy to get caught up in someone else's battle so much that you neglect how you feel and forget that it has become part of your own. So I'm writing this based on my own experience hoping it might help someone else. Of course, this depends on just how much the person you are helping is struggling and can vary depending on the seriousness of the situation.
I have had this feeling recently, especially where I have had lots happening, which has meant that I have felt I can't make the most of everything. This has surprisingly come almost with a feeling of guilt so I am here to rationalise it. Hopefully, it will be helpful to someone else that may have had or is going through a similar experience.
There are times when it is obvious that someone is trying to control you. Other times, it is more subtle. It can be disguised as someone being “nice” or just “trying to be kind”. It is so easy in these circumstances to feel guilty and feel like you are falling down a rabbit hole, but can’t stop it. I am going to specifically focus on the more subtle way of manipulation - where it is disguised as “kindness”.
One of the feelings I have typically found the hardest to cope with are those of guilt. When you feel awful you have hurt someone (unintentionally) or made a bad decision. But, over the years I have learnt to better deal with it and accept the fact that we all make mistakes.
Just because life is sometimes not so glamorous. It is adapted a little from a letter I wrote to myself. Couldn't post at the time because it was too recent, but it's here now with the hope that it might provide some comfort to someone who needs it.
It is so easy to bottle everything up and not share something. Because it can be so much easier to answer I'm fine when asked how you are doing rather than actually explain why you might not feel so good. I've been there and I am sure others have too - where you don't want to explain how you feel because opening up can be scary and you are not quite sure how people will take it. However, if there is something I have learnt from life, it is that sharing how you feel and your problems is so important and if this can encourage or help one person open up then I'll be happy. Below I try and tackle the obstacles that can make you feel nervous about talking to others when life is a little difficult and the reasons why you can still share how you feel and why it is so essential.
Being present and able to take things in is so valuable. But, in a world with social media and technology, it has become so easy to be there physically, but not mentally. Below are some things I like to do to ground myself a little and make sure I’m living a real life- to make sure I am 'living in the moment'.
I have often thought about how skilled someone is or clever someone is, and recently thought about how a lot of the time it can be really easy to get carried away thinking how amazing other people are and forget how incredible you are too - that you are valued. So this post is on recognising your worth too.
Feeling like an emotional sponge - I have been there too. Where it feels like you're always listening to others problems so much, you're engulfed by them. Almost like other's problems have become another problem to add to your own. I am writing this as a little self-care reminder, for myself and for anyone who needs to hear it. Because it can be really easy to get dragged into other people's issues when you are just trying to be a good friend and not even realise just how much of an impact those people and your surroundings are having on you. It can be hard to distinguish when it is important for you step away and when you need to be there for someone because they require support.
