The first time I think I heard about anxiety was in secondary school and I did not really understand what it meant. I did not really understand the difference between struggling with anxiety and simply feeling nervous and to me they seemed like the same thing. I never really gave it any real thought because I never thought it was something I needed to think about and there were so many misconceptions around it anyway that I simply ignored it.
If you are reading this, then it means I found the courage to upload this post to my blog instead of it sitting in my drafts or in a word document. When I first started supporting people I care about with their mental health, I never imagined I might one day find myself in this situation. To be honest, I am terrified of ever sharing this, but I don’t know who might need to read this.
Over the last few months, I have realised that I have felt invalidated in various ways. So much so that at points I completely stopped even considering how I feel. Sometimes when I have felt invalidated it is due to other people's actions (ignoring how I may feel or completely disregarding it) and sometimes my own choices (such as not considering how I am in given moments). Or a combination of both. However, regardless of whatever invalidation you have faced, what you have to say matters. What you experience is real and no one is in a position to tell you what your lived experience is.
I’d never had therapy before this year. In hindsight, therapy is something 14-year-old me should have done. But, I was too embarrassed about it and the thought of asking for help filled me with absolute dread. So I always pretended to feel okay when I wasn't and managed to avoid ever going. I was able to get out of the difficult period by myself, but I know I could have done with some support. Fast forward to now, and I no longer feel embarrassed about the prospect of going to therapy or being in therapy, but taking the steps were still daunting. I am writing this post to reassure someone who is nervous about seeking therapy, remind you that you are not alone and normalise being in therapy; therapy is no different to going to the doctor when you feel physically ill.
How many times have you automatically answered "I am okay" to the question how are you? Without even thinking. Without properly taking a moment to pause and question whether you really feel okay. Or openly admitting that recently you may not have been feeling yourself. It has always been obvious to me that we avoid talking about mental health and difficult conversations as to how we really feel, but I suppose never as much as now. Coronavirus has isolated us a lot and made it so much easier to lie, especially because a lot of our communication is now through a screen. It is so easy to type the words "I am fine" on your phone whilst actually crying your eyes out.
As we are trapped in another lockdown and coronavirus seems to be dragging on for what feels like forever, it can be easy to feel like you are missing out. I know the thought definitely sometimes comes to mind for me. I sometimes can't help but feel like I am missing out on a university experience and being young at the moment - living life to the fullest as such. It is okay to feel sad about lost experiences, and only natural. However, if this is your only focus, it can get you into a rut and thinking about it like this constantly is not a good way to look at it.
I turn 20 today- it does not seem real and although it is my birthday, it doesn't quite feel like it. I used to think that turning 20 was a lot, and even though it really isn't old, it feels old to me. It really goes to show how everything is all about perspective because in the grand scheme of things, I am still very young.
With the announcement of a second lockdown in many countries, it is safe to say that there are a lot of things going through everyone’s minds. At the moment, it is so easy to get caught up in everything and feel like we’re constantly on go - constantly worrying. That everything is just too fast and we can’t keep up. Lockdown is challenging enough and we are all in different circumstances fighting our own battles. Switching off can be difficult and somehow I still feel the same amount of pressure to carry on as if everything is normal when it really isn’t.


I’m always on the lookout for signs that I need to take a break or pause. Spotting the warning signs early on can be so beneficial and avoid burnout or feeling very overwhelmed afterwards. Over the years, these are the signs I’ve spotted in my case that indicate that things are not okay, or at least not the way they should be and I need to take time for myself. Signs will look slightly different for everyone, but if you resonate with any of these, first of all, I am sending you virtual hugs and secondly, please take time to look after yourself. You matter - don’t be afraid to reach out if you need support.
I have recently become a lot more aware of what causes me to feel lonely - for me, I have found it is that I have been in a lot of one-sided friendships and trying to give a lot of myself to others without it being reciprocal. This lack of balance leaves me feeling like no one really cares when I am going through a difficult time. Reaching out to people generally on a frequent basis and not getting that back when I am struggling makes me feel lonely.
I think it is very useful to identify exactly what makes you feel lonely. Is it that you feel that saying you are fine when asked how you are is easier than answering honestly? You might not necessarily identify the exact reason right away - I certainly did not - it is only recently that I have been able to place my finger on what has led me to feel lonely.
I know helping someone struggling with their mental health can be incredibly difficult and put you under a lot of pressure. When I first became a carer, I felt very alone and by myself in all of it. I wish I would have come across a post like this. The advice I am giving here is based on my own personal experience helping others because I know how hard it can be. This is the advice I wish I had been given, but not a replacement for professional help. I hope someone else will find it useful, but please do not treat this as the only way to approach the situation.
I’m definitely guilty of being one of those people who feel like they constantly have to be doing something. I have to be working towards something and doing nothing usually makes me feel guilty - guilty that I should be doing more or working towards something.

I have a lot of time to think and reflect recently. That has made me much more aware of my inner dialogue. It has also made me aware of some thoughts I sometimes catch myself having that I need to change. This is not an exhaustive list- these are just some of the things that I have found I have told myself (over the years and generally) and isn't helpful. Some I have already changed my outlook to- others are still a working progress.

Helping others and looking after yourself can be a very fine balance. It can be very easy to get caught up in someone else's battle so much that you neglect how you feel and forget that it has become part of your own. So I'm writing this based on my own experience hoping it might help someone else. Of course, this depends on just how much the person you are helping is struggling and can vary depending on the seriousness of the situation.
Feeling like you aren't making the most of life? I have had this feeling recently, especially where I have had lots happening, which has meant that I have felt I can't make the most of everything. This has surprisingly come almost with a feeling of guilt so I am here to rationalise it. Hopefully, it will be helpful to someone else that may have had or is going through a similar experience.
There are times when it is obvious that someone is trying to control you. Other times, it is more subtle. It can be disguised as someone being “nice” or just “trying to be kind”. It is so easy in these circumstances to feel guilty and feel like you are falling down a rabbit hole, but can’t stop it. I am going to specifically focus on the more subtle way of manipulation - where it is disguised as “kindness”.