I’m always on the lookout for signs that I need to take a break or pause. Spotting the warning signs early on can be so beneficial and avoid burnout or feeling very overwhelmed afterwards. Over the years, these are the signs I’ve spotted in my case that indicate that things are not okay, or at least not the way they should be and I need to take time for myself. Signs will look slightly different for everyone, but if you resonate with any of these, first of all, I am sending you virtual hugs and secondly, please take time to look after yourself. You matter - don’t be afraid to reach out if you need support.
I have recently become a lot more aware of what causes me to feel lonely - for me, I have found it is that I have been in a lot of one-sided friendships and trying to give a lot of myself to others without it being reciprocal. This lack of balance leaves me feeling like no one really cares when I am going through a difficult moment. Reaching out to people generally on a frequent basis and not getting that back when I am struggling makes me feel lonely. I think it is very useful to identify exactly what makes you feel lonely. Is it that you feel that saying you are fine when asked how you are is easier than answering honestly? You might not necessarily identify the exact reason right away - I certainly did not - it is only recently that I have been able to place my finger on what has led me to feel lonely.
I would just like to start by saying that there is no magic answer to helping someone with their mental health. There is no one right way of approaching this as every single person is different. What might work well for one person may not work as well with someone else. Figuring out what each person finds most helpful/ what could be triggering is a learning process and you will sometimes get it wrong and make mistakes. Also, I am not a doctor and in these cases, it is important to seek the help of an expert and not try and handle helping a person struggling with mental health by yourself - the help you can offer to someone as a friend or loved one will always be limited as it is not your area of expertise. The advice I am giving here is based on my own personal experience helping others. This is not a replacement for professional help. I hope someone else will find it useful, but please do not treat it as the only way to approach the situation. Furthermore, this post does not include and will not include any personal details and is purely written from my experience of the perspective of helping another person seriously struggling with mental health and wellbeing.
I’m definitely guilty of being one of those people who feel like they constantly have to be doing something. I have to be working towards something and doing nothing usually makes me feel guilty - guilty that I should be doing more or working towards something.
I have a lot of time to think and reflect recently. That has made me much more aware of my inner dialogue. It has also made me aware of some thoughts I sometimes catch myself having that I need to change. This is not an exhaustive list- these are just some of the things that I have found I have told myself (over the years and generally) and isn't helpful. Some I have already changed my outlook to- others are still a working progress.
Helping others and looking after yourself can be a very fine balance. It can be very easy to get caught up in someone else's battle so much that you neglect how you feel and forget that it has become part of your own. So I'm writing this based on my own experience hoping it might help someone else. Of course, this depends on just how much the person you are helping is struggling and can vary depending on the seriousness of the situation.
I have had this feeling recently, especially where I have had lots happening, which has meant that I have felt I can't make the most of everything. This has surprisingly come almost with a feeling of guilt so I am here to rationalise it. Hopefully, it will be helpful to someone else that may have had or is going through a similar experience.
There are times when it is obvious that someone is trying to control you. Other times, it is more subtle. It can be disguised as someone being “nice” or just “trying to be kind”. It is so easy in these circumstances to feel guilty and feel like you are falling down a rabbit hole, but can’t stop it. I am going to specifically focus on the more subtle way of manipulation - where it is disguised as “kindness”.
One of the feelings I have typically found the hardest to cope with are those of guilt. When you feel awful you have hurt someone (unintentionally) or made a bad decision. But, over the years I have learnt to better deal with it and accept the fact that we all make mistakes.
It is so easy to bottle everything up and not share something. Because it can be so much easier to answer I'm fine when asked how you are doing rather than actually explain why you might not feel so good. I've been there and I am sure others have too - where you don't want to explain how you feel because opening up can be scary and you are not quite sure how people will take it. However, if there is something I have learnt from life, it is that sharing how you feel and your problems is so important and if this can encourage or help one person open up then I'll be happy. Below I try and tackle the obstacles that can make you feel nervous about talking to others when life is a little difficult and the reasons why you can still share how you feel and why it is so essential.
I have often thought about how skilled someone is or clever someone is, and recently thought about how a lot of the time it can be really easy to get carried away thinking how amazing other people are and forget how incredible you are too - that you are valued. So this post is on recognising your worth too.
Feeling like an emotional sponge - I have been there too. Where it feels like you're always listening to others problems so much, you're engulfed by them. Almost like other's problems have become another problem to add to your own. I am writing this as a little self-care reminder, for myself and for anyone who needs to hear it. Because it can be really easy to get dragged into other people's issues when you are just trying to be a good friend and not even realise just how much of an impact those people and your surroundings are having on you. It can be hard to distinguish when it is important for you step away and when you need to be there for someone because they require support.
We all have those moments. Sometimes we just feel down and we can't explain it. We have an empty feeling we just can't shake off or seem to feel miserable for no particular reason. It happens to the best of us. Below are some things that have helped me when I'm feeling down.
This year, as one of the most academically demanding years I have experienced so far, with that bringing stressful situations, I have had to come up with ways to manage that stress (so as not to completely go insane). That isn't to say that I will not have more stressful years (inevitably as I go through the education system it gets harder, more workload and more stressful, but these are a few things that I used and helped this year). I am not a psychiatrist, therapist, psychologist or specialist of any kind- these are methods that helped me and hopefully they can help you too. If stress becomes unmanageable, remember there is always help available and there is absolutely no shame in seeking it.
I wrote this for this blog (linked here) as a guest blogger, but thought I would post it on my blog too.
Sometimes you can be your own worst enemy and the things you tell yourself can hold you back. Changing a little how you view things can have a huge impact on how you feel and your motivation. Sometimes it can even impact the result. Here is are a few things to help you think and feel a little more positive. The first thing to acknowledge with this is that it does not happen overnight and it is impossible to be positive all the time. It is normal to have more down days and not always feel positive. Achieving a more positive mindset happens gradually and it does not mean being positive all of the time, but having a more positive outlook to things most of the time.
Social media- incredible in so many different ways- it's a way of spreading love, happiness and positivity, connecting with people, helping out others and keeping in touch with people. But, sometimes it does the opposite- it can be negative, draining, can make you miserable and is something time consuming that leaves you feeling empty.
