I am not really sure what to make of 2021. This year honestly felt like the second part of 2020 and was hard. My 2021 was two halves. The first half was restrictions - lockdowns and very few places open. It was this half, where I almost lost all sense of myself, being mainly in my room. Then there was the second half, where things started opening up again and I was able to feel a little more like myself being able to get involved in more. Either way, 2021 taught me a lot. 

 

I have noticed that it is not very common for me to feel completely happy with what I achieve. That there always seems to be one thing that I demand better of myself in. Whilst striving for better is always something good, there comes a point where you also have to recognise and acknowledge what you have got. Be proud of yourself for what you have achieved even if the result was not entirely what you were aiming for.

 

I’d never had therapy before this year. In hindsight, therapy is something 14-year-old me should have done. But, I was too embarrassed about it and the thought of asking for help filled me with absolute dread. So I always pretended to feel okay when I wasn't and managed to avoid ever going. I was able to get out of the difficult period by myself, but I know I could have done with some support. Fast forward to now, and I no longer feel embarrassed about the prospect of going to therapy or being in therapy, but taking the steps were still daunting. I am writing this post to reassure someone who is nervous about seeking therapy, remind you that you are not alone and normalise being in therapy; therapy is no different to going to the doctor when you feel physically ill.

Sometimes we keep going mindlessly. So much to the point where it all becomes monotonous and we are not sure why we started in the first place. We forget our why and what the original goal of everything was. That happened to me recently. I was just getting things done for the sake of getting them done- I did not see the point, it was just something that needed doing. I needed a reset. A way to start fresh.

As we are trapped in another lockdown and coronavirus seems to be dragging on for what feels like forever, it can be easy to feel like you are missing out. I know the thought definitely sometimes comes to mind for me. I sometimes can't help but feel like I am missing out on a university experience and being young at the moment - living life to the fullest as such. It is okay to feel sad about lost experiences, and only natural.  However, if this is your only focus, it can get you into a rut and thinking about it like this constantly is not a good way to look at it. 

It is no secret from my blog that 2020 was an incredibly difficult year for me. With the start of a new year and 2021 coming up, in my current circumstances, the idea of a fresh start rings truer than it has ever done before. I am not a fan of the whole new year, new you because I don’t believe that a new year necessarily means drastic change - I believe in taking things step by step rather than expecting a transformation out of the blue. But, the opportunity to start fresh (especially around new year) has always appealed to me and even more so this year.