I turn 20 today- it does not seem real and although it is my birthday, it doesn't quite feel like it. I used to think that turning 20 was a lot, and even though it really isn't old, it feels old to me. It really goes to show how everything is all about perspective because in the grand scheme of things, I am still very young.

2020 has definitely thrown a lot of new situations at everyone that we did not expect to experience. It might mean that plans we originally had have gone out the window. I have had various realisations recently - all of which are not what I originally had in mind. It has been a little scary because I am going against the norm, or a case of this just is not the circumstances I would thought I would be in. But, I know that I am not the only one and that COVID-19 has changed things for everyone. Whilst we are isolated, we do have a common hardship we are all going through- a very rapidly changing world and environment.

Crying. It is something we all do. It can be from happiness, relief, sadness, stress. Yet there seems to be such a stigma around what for me shows the most human side in us. I always think of crying as the body’s way of expressing a feeling when you simply cannot put it into words. But, especially when it is out of sadness/ being overwhelmed, crying becomes something that often makes people uncomfortable. Something to avoid at all costs.

With the announcement of a second lockdown in many countries, it is safe to say that there are a lot of things going through everyone’s minds. At the moment, it is so easy to get caught up in everything and feel like we’re constantly on go - constantly worrying. That everything is just too fast and we can’t keep up. Lockdown is challenging enough and we are all in different circumstances fighting our own battles. Switching off can be difficult and somehow I still feel the same amount of pressure to carry on as if everything is normal when it really isn’t.

 

Bullet journaling was admittedly something I first heard about through the internet, especially when it became more of a craze and popular thing. I had no idea what it was beforehand. For those who may not be aware, bullet journaling is a method of personal organisation all in one notebook and something you can put as much or as little effort in as you like. It is a way of organising everything in your life - that can be from books you want to read, to deadlines. I was initially unsure whether it was something I could incorporate into my life as one Google will show you so much. It can be quite daunting and seem very impractical as you often get very pretty and time-consuming spreads. In the last year or so, however, it has become one of my favourite ways of organising myself. I have loved how adaptable and useful it has become for me and I wanted to share why I think this is something anyone can incorporate in their lifestyle - how it can allow you to feel more put together. 

Most people who know me well, know that I tend to overthink everything. I don’t think that overthinking is necessarily always a bad thing- sometimes it can allow you to be more reflective. However, it can mean that it is difficult to switch off, especially if this is something you find yourself doing a lot.

Talking to yourself often seems to be presented as a sign of you losing it. Whether that is my case and there is still time to save me, I don’t know. But, jokes aside. Voicing my thoughts out loud has actually really helped me. I did some googling and I’m not the only one- there are plenty of people who find talking to themselves helpful with a common theme of not doing so in public to avoid embarrassment. I did some research and it turns out psychology does back me and it is beneficial (so long as you are treating yourself with respect).

I’m always on the lookout for signs that I need to take a break or pause. Spotting the warning signs early on can be so beneficial and avoid burnout or feeling very overwhelmed afterwards. Over the years, these are the signs I’ve spotted in my case that indicate that things are not okay, or at least not the way they should be and I need to take time for myself. Signs will look slightly different for everyone, but if you resonate with any of these, first of all, I am sending you virtual hugs and secondly, please take time to look after yourself. You matter - don’t be afraid to reach out if you need support.

Social media is a powerful tool. It is a pretty big part of blogging for me as it allows me to share my work with more people. Connect with others. I do think social media can be used positively. Used positively, social media can contribute to good vibes and be uplifting. However, I have always had a love-hate relationship with it because whilst it can be used positively, it is really easy to fall down a rabbit hole and suddenly, it is not so good for mental health.

COVID-19 has impacted everyone in some way and as a law student, I’ve been no exception and my life has definitely changed. Whilst I found isolation and lockdown changes hard, lockdown did teach me various life lessons, such as slowing down.

In September of 2019, I moved out for the first time for university. I know a lot of people say it, but moving out has taught me a lot, especially about myself. It’s safe to say that I’ve grown a lot in a very short space of time - the person I was when I first moved out and the person I am now is different. I’ve genuinely learnt things about myself that I otherwise wouldn’t have learnt. Moving out changed me by teaching me important life lessons. If you are moving out for the first time, it will most likely change you too. 

I have recently become a lot more aware of what causes me to feel lonely - for me, I have found it is that I have been in a lot of one-sided friendships and trying to give a lot of myself to others without it being reciprocal. This lack of balance leaves me feeling like no one really cares when I am going through a difficult moment. Reaching out to people generally on a frequent basis and not getting that back when I am struggling makes me feel lonely. I think it is very useful to identify exactly what makes you feel lonely. Is it that you feel that saying you are fine when asked how you are is easier than answering honestly? You might not necessarily identify the exact reason right away - I certainly did not - it is only recently that I have been able to place my finger on what has led me to feel lonely. 

I have found this year and generally this academic year difficult for multiple reasons- a lot in my life changed quite quickly and I was forced to adapt to changes (some not so nice or ideal in a short space of time). As a result, I have been reflecting more on what being strong means to me. I think it can generally be quite easy to have this idea that being strong means never feeling weak, or never feeling like a mess and always feeling like you have everything under control. This year more than ever has taught me that is definitely not the case (or at least that is not the way I interpret it). I want to talk about in this post how this year has redefined my idea of what I feel strength is.