Esterella: Thoughts

I have written about friendships, and being okay by yourself, but realise I have never touched being single and happy. I recently watched Eve Cornwell’s video about her taking herself on a date. It really resonated with me and inspired me to write about being single and some of my own reflections. Over the last year, I’ve thought a fair amount about being single. Something about moving to university with the pressure and expectation that I am meant to find the love of my life at this point in my life has me thinking a lot about relationships.

I have found this year and generally this academic year difficult for multiple reasons- a lot in my life changed quite quickly and I was forced to adapt to changes (some not so nice or ideal in a short space of time). As a result, I have been reflecting more on what being strong means to me. I think it can generally be quite easy to have this idea that being strong means never feeling weak, or never feeling like a mess and always feeling like you have everything under control. This year more than ever has taught me that is definitely not the case (or at least that is not the way I interpret it). I want to talk about in this post how this year has redefined my idea of what I feel strength is.

graphic of letter and notebook and pen with grades

As a University student, I have had my fair share of results days and still have quite a few to come 😅. Getting back results is something I don’t like (usually because I am pretty harsh on myself and set really high expectations for myself). I also find it stressful. But, I wanted to generally speak about exam results because I know it’s something that all students can relate to and most of us dread.

Being too sensitive - graphic- pale yellow with hearts

I like to think I am a person that isn’t bothered by things, that can always move on. But, I can admit it’s often small gestures that I grow to really appreciate in people. The absence of this can sometimes upset me, or even sometimes little things, seemingly insignificant to others can annoy me. I guess we all have certain things that can bother us. This can sometimes lead to being labelled as “too sensitive”. I have found that often this involves negative connotations- the why can’t she control her emotions or why is she even getting upset? However, in my opinion, this doesn’t have to and shouldn’t necessarily be the case.

the pressure of always doing more - lilac graphic with sparkles

I’m definitely guilty of being one of those people who feel like they constantly have to be doing something. I have to be working towards something and doing nothing usually makes me feel guilty - guilty that I should be doing more or working towards something.

Why I stopped waiting for the perfect moment - graphic - green with patterned dots

I think there’s a real tendency in society to put things off until we feel ‘ready’ or until there’s a better moment. I was recently thinking about moments I’ve really enjoyed or something I was proud of myself for and found that in most of these cases I didn’t feel as ‘ready’ as I thought I would, but I went ahead and did it anyway. That either allowed for self-growth or just for spontaneous moments that make life fun.

Minimalist lifestyle graphic - pink flowers

Before I start writing the rest of this post, I just want to say that don't disagree with all aspects of minimalism - there are values to it which I think are positive. Also, I respect the way everyone chooses to live their life. For anyone that might not be aware of the concept, although I am sure you have probably heard it before: a minimalist lifestyle is having only what you need (both materially and can also be applied mentally). There are definitely benefits to it, but it is not for everyone.

This is a lifestyle which people have claimed ‘changes you for the better’, ‘transforms’ you. But, too often we ignore that this lifestyle takes commitment and that not everyone’s personality fits into this- this will not "transform" and destress your life suddenly and may not even be right for you. In fact trying to follow it can sometimes be more stressful. Happiness isn't correlated directly to this style of living - there are many external factors that influence how happy you are. As you can probably imagine from the title of this post, I’m one of the people that doesn’t quite fit into this minimalist style of living. In this post, I wanted to explore why and explain why it’s okay if you too don’t identify with this lifestyle and shakedown this pressure of either being very consumeristic and buying lots just because it is "trendy" or trying to downsize ridiculously in order to achieve zen.

I do want to make sure that my content is varied so not everything will be in relation to this pandemic, but as something that we are all affected by at the moment, I also want to be creating content that feels relevant. Relatable content that may bring some sort of comfort during what is a difficult time.

Graphic of a coffee, notebook and pen and laptop

It is no secret that things aren't the easiest at the moment (one look at the news along with whatever you may have going on in your personal life is enough to realise that). It can be really easy to lose hope or feel stuck. I am not going to state that we are currently in an ideal situation - we aren't. But, now more than ever, perspective and the way we choose to see things is more important than ever.

Pink graphic with triangle pattern and hearts

Now I'll be honest writing about this does make me feel a little nervous - partly because it is a taboo subject in society and I don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable- in fact, I hope that this will have the opposite effect and maybe encourage you to think about it in a different way. But, the fact conversations like these are usually avoided is exactly why it needs to be spoken about more - to normalise it. So I am writing about my take on it, which is much more about loving your body and being healthy rather weighing a particular number of KG.

Every new year, I sit and think about my aims for the year. Every single year there is this pressure to set this enormous goal and what you’re going to achieve and how suddenly, you are going to become a whole new person. Like from December 31st to the 1st of January, you are going to wake up and the person you were yesterday is a distant memory. If that is what you are into, it is fine - if it works for you then go for it. But for me the whole "new year, new you" doesn’t quite do it. I like the opportunity for a fresh start. I am all for that - having a fresh slate and a new opportunity to go for what you want. But, this idea that because it is a new year that suddenly, you’re going to completely transform, is not for me.

Graphic with pink flowers and pink and black circles

Finding out the people that are really there for you is something that I think we all go through and often it is when you are going through a hard time that you find who is really there to stay. There is a saying that goes that you can count 'real' friends on the fingers of your hand and I’ve come to realise that it really is true. Some people may not call people who aren't true friends, friends at all- I use the word friends because they are still people I enjoy spending time with and care about, they just aren't people I can count on when push comes to shove.

Having moved to a new city for university recently, identity and where I’m from is a subject I find myself talking about quite a lot. Meeting new people inherently involves presenting yourself and your identity (or parts of your identity). This has made it more obvious to me how identity is not something simple and there are many dimensions to it, which can sometimes be difficult to convey to people (especially someone you have just met or when you have a short period of time). This can sometimes leave you feeling a little lost or like you are not being true to yourself.

I always find these posts really interesting to read and it is a nice opportunity to reflect on what I have learnt and the different ways I've grown. So here is what I would tell my younger self.

I know this is not an original topic to write about, but it was something I have had on my mind recently. It is a well-known fact that there are unrealistic beauty standards set in the media especially for women. This particularly shown on social media - from photoshopped models to a lack in variety of body shapes and sizes and representation in terms of skin colour. These beauty standards also exist for men, though less so than for women. In this blog post, I will be focussing on women, but I acknowledge that there is a problem across both genders.

After taking the Harry Potter sorting quiz various times after not expecting to be sorted into Gryffindor (yes I guess I betrayed the sorting hat as you aren't meant to do that oops) and the Buzzfeed quiz with all the official Pottermore questions, it struck me how I was put in all the houses but Slytherin. On the official website, I somehow seemed to end up with Gryffindor the most. Buzzfeed, in contrast, seemed certain that I was a Ravenclaw.

In so many places, I have come across the importance of 'balance' - having a 'balanced' diet, a 'balance' between social life and work life and more generally the balance of sleep, social life and work. Whilst of course it is important that we are being careful not to overdo one and therefore burn out, I have come to realise that using this word can be a little misleading. When you think of balance, you think of equal. Yet when it comes to life, it's very difficult that you are going to get everything exactly equal.

Be you - such an overused phrase which can often sometimes lead us to think but how? I've heard this phrase more times than I can count and I get why people use it. Being authentic is something so important not only for your own happiness, but to ensure you are making the right choices for you. However, I've personally found that people just telling you to be yourself doesn't always help or give you any indication as to how you are supposed to do that or even what it means.

Something that came to mind recently one night was how there are certain areas about myself that nobody really knows which led me to think about whether we even know everything about ourselves. Though I feel like yes we are the ones that know ourselves best for the most part- there are certain things that only you can know about yourself and no one else can. Do any of us really know absolutely everything about ourselves?

The battle between the elderly and the young is not anything new. It's has been present historically and is definitely still present now. One example being the millennials vs the baby boomers. I don't know about everyone else, but recently I have become increasingly tired of seeing this war on the press and media - where it all seems to be about invalidating experiences and competing for who has it worse.

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