I have recently become a lot more aware of what causes me to feel lonely - for me, I have found it is that I have been in a lot of one-sided friendships and trying to give a lot of myself to others without it being reciprocal. This lack of balance leaves me feeling like no one really cares when I am going through a difficult time. Reaching out to people generally on a frequent basis and not getting that back when I am struggling makes me feel lonely.
I think it is very useful to identify exactly what makes you feel lonely. Is it that you feel that saying you are fine when asked how you are is easier than answering honestly? You might not necessarily identify the exact reason right away - I certainly did not - it is only recently that I have been able to place my finger on what has led me to feel lonely.
I have been slim for as long as I can remember. Not intentionally. I think it is something genetic. But, knowing the struggles of particularly girls wanting to lose weight to fit into this "ideal" society supposedly tells us sometimes makes me feel guilty. Guilty because I know so many other girls would wish to be in my shoes and honestly, I hate that having a skinny body is used as the ideal body to aspire to regardless of whether it is actually healthy for you. I dislike that losing weight is always considered an achievement and that so many girls struggle with body confidence issues. It makes me sad that most people view me as lucky because I am naturally slim and have a fast metabolism when that is just because society said it is what beauty is.
I have found this year and generally this academic year difficult for multiple reasons- a lot in my life changed quite quickly and I was forced to adapt to changes (some not so nice or ideal in a short space of time). As a result, I have been reflecting more on what being strong means to me. I think it can generally be quite easy to have this idea that being strong means never feeling weak, or never feeling like a mess and always feeling like you have everything under control. This year more than ever has taught me that is definitely not the case (or at least that is not the way I interpret it). I want to talk about in this post how this year has redefined my idea of what I feel strength is.
As a University student, I have had my fair share of results days and still have quite a few to come 😅. Getting back results is something I don’t like (usually because I am pretty harsh on myself and set really high expectations for myself). I also find it stressful. But, I wanted to generally speak about exam results because I know it’s something that all students can relate to and most of us dread.
