Just because life is sometimes not so glamorous. It is adapted a little from a letter I wrote to myself. Couldn't post at the time because it was too recent, but it's here now with the hope that it might provide some comfort to someone who needs it.
It is so easy to bottle everything up and not share something. Because it can be so much easier to answer I'm fine when asked how you are doing rather than actually explain why you might not feel so good. I've been there and I am sure others have too - where you don't want to explain how you feel because opening up can be scary and you are not quite sure how people will take it. However, if there is something I have learnt from life, it is that sharing how you feel and your problems is so important and if this can encourage or help one person open up then I'll be happy. Below I try and tackle the obstacles that can make you feel nervous about talking to others when life is a little difficult and the reasons why you can still share how you feel and why it is so essential.
I have often thought about how skilled someone is or clever someone is, and recently thought about how a lot of the time it can be really easy to get carried away thinking how amazing other people are and forget how incredible you are too - that you are valued. So this post is on recognising your worth too.
Feeling like an emotional sponge - I have been there too. Where it feels like you're always listening to others problems so much, you're engulfed by them. Almost like other's problems have become another problem to add to your own. I am writing this as a little self-care reminder, for myself and for anyone who needs to hear it. Because it can be really easy to get dragged into other people's issues when you are just trying to be a good friend and not even realise just how much of an impact those people and your surroundings are having on you. It can be hard to distinguish when it is important for you step away and when you need to be there for someone because they require support.
Now I'll be honest writing about this does make me feel a little nervous - partly because it is a taboo subject in society and I don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable- in fact, I hope that this will have the opposite effect and maybe encourage you to think about it in a different way. But, the fact conversations like these are usually avoided is exactly why it needs to be spoken about more - to normalise it. So I am writing about my take on it, which is much more about loving your body and being healthy rather weighing a particular number of KG.
I think it's fair to say we all go through those moments where we feel we are all over the place and don’t feel like we have anything in control. With this, rather than how much control you have over the situation, it is much more about how you feel about the situation. A lot of feeling like you are a mess is how you perceive yourself and your surroundings - or that is what I have found anyway. Here are some of the things that have helped me feel a little bit more put together when I really was not feeling it.
I like to think I’m a person that doesn’t care what other people think and isn’t affected by it - whilst I have definitely got better with time at not focussing on what other people think, I can’t say I'm immune to what others say. I have underestimated before the impact that side comments can have over time. At first, you can shake them off, but if you hear them enough times you do begin to believe it. Realising that is what has led me to notice how important your surroundings are and just how much of an impact they can have on you. Here is what I have done or found works to keep your environment positive and "protect your energy and vibe".
We all have those moments. Sometimes we just feel down and we can't explain it. We have an empty feeling we just can't shake off or seem to feel miserable for no particular reason. It happens to the best of us. Below are some things that have helped me when I'm feeling down.
I would say I am a people person and I do love spending time with my friends and family. However, one of the areas I think I have most grown and definitely grown partly in this year is enjoying my own company and being okay with being by myself. I don’t need to be surrounded by somebody every second of the day.
We all have friends, boyfriends, girlfriends etc.- people that we sometimes we want to hold on to. People we don’t let go because we think we should keep them or aren’t ready to let them go, but we’d be better off without them in our lives. This is something that isn’t easy. Sometimes it’s something that can make me feel guilty because I know that as people we aren’t perfect or I think about how things were before. But, it’s important to recognise when someone just isn’t healthy for you- this doesn’t mean that they are bad people or that you have to fall out with them. Just that maybe you need some distance. Below are some of the signs to when it could be time to let someone go.
How writing letters to myself has helped me
We are all always so busy - or feel the need to have things to do all that time that sometimes we neglect ourselves. We can get so caught up in helping others, giving ourselves to work, friends, family that we can forget to look after ourselves. Here are some of my fav things to do to reconnect with myself and sometimes just take that step back we very much need.
Comparison - something that can be so hurtful to yourself and almost inevitable. It usually entails looking up to someone who is supposedly doing a lot better than you and feeling less worthy because you have not achieved the same. I think most people do this even if subconsciously at some point (in my case and many others it is not done purposefully).
Something that perhaps took me longer to realise than it should have is the fact that at the end of the day you are the one person you can trust to make sure what you want to get done gets done. People are not always reliable and there will come a point when someone will let you down. You may let yourself down at some point too - and that is normal and is okay. We are all learning. However, the difference is that you can control your actions, but you cannot control the actions of others.
We all have insecurities, including the people we don't think do. Even people who appear arrogant are probably concealing their insecurity behind the lack of acceptance of any type of criticism. Everyone has areas that they feel less confident about. Don't stress and feel alone when you doubt yourself at times or sometimes feel more insecure - I actually think that a little bit of self-doubt is helpful. It keeps you growing and learning. But, if not kept in check, it can stop us from living our life to the fullest and enjoying activities we would without lots of insecurities running our minds. I hope that if you happen to stumble upon this post when you are having one of those days, this helps and makes you feel better.
I have always been a person that keeps a diary- I go on and off it, but in the end, I always go back to it. Recently, after a while of not keeping one, I have gone back to it. A little bit of a different post, but here is how keeping a diary has helped and continues to help me.
It is true that appearance isn't what is important and that it is inner beauty that counts. That being said, we cannot deny that as a society we do focus on appearance and we all care about how we look to an extent. Taking time to look put together can help you feel put together - how you look can impact how you feel.