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Esterella

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“Be happy”. A quote that everyone has heard and has been repeated so often. “Whatever you do just be happy” and “search for your happiness” - as if it were that simple. Like happiness is something you can pluck out of thin air and then you are sorted. A magical cure if you feel depressed and something that somehow can make your anxiety or any other problem just disappear.

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Dear reader,

I’ve had the title of this blog in my drafts for a while but didn’t quite know how to tackle it initially.
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Having spent most of my life in the education system, there was always an obvious next step. Progressing onto the next academic year. I grew accustomed to the sense of security of knowing that I would be returning to school or in my later years, university. No matter how difficult life got and the things it threw at me, that seemed to be the one constant and something that helped ground me. Sure there were changes, like going from primary school to secondary school and secondary school to sixth form. Then sixth form to university and these had their own challenges, as all new phases do. But, there was one constant in it all, there was always a clear next step for me, even if it was different to the previous one.
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Since graduating, I have had a lot more free time on my hands and a lot more time to reflect on my experiences. Having finished my degree, I no longer have a clear structure and everything is up to me. This has led to a natural pause after being involved in a lot over the last year. I have been reliving memories by looking at photos in my camera roll and playing back videos. I came across the clips that I took during the lockdown as some sort of video diary of what it was like.
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Text reading small things you can do to be more eco-friendly. Plant digital graphic in the centre.


Over the last few years, I’ve found myself increasingly more conscious of the impact that I have on the planet and environment. I’ve always cared about the planet and hate to see the damage to it, but beforehand, I didn’t really give much thought to how my actions could be affecting it. One of the good things about sustainability and eco-friendliness becoming so big on social media (although it should have never been a trend and rather something we are always looking out for) was that it got me to think more deeply about what I was already doing and what more I could do. This post may seem very obvious and not particularly mind-blowing, but I am posting it more as a reminder that it matters more what you do change, no matter how small. Social media these days is bombarded with seemingly perfect sustainable lifestyles so I wanted to show a more human and realistic side.

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My time at university, although filled with some of the best times of my life were also the hardest years of my life. I had a lot of lows and at points felt like I had hit rock bottom. This has meant that I have ended up learning a lot both about myself and generally from experience. Now that I have finished my law degree at university, I wanted to reflect on my experience generally and the takeaways from my time at university.
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The first time I heard about anxiety was in secondary school and I did not really know what it meant. I did not understand the difference between struggling with anxiety and simply feeling nervous and to me they seemed like the same thing. I never really gave it any real thought because I never thought it was something I needed to think about and there were so many misconceptions around it anyway that I simply ignored it.
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It has been a while since I consistently blogged. I spent more than a year uploading every single Sunday of every week (with a few exceptions here and there), but somewhere along the lines, things got hard and I felt a bit lost. I stopped doing as much of what I loved. Even at points where I wanted to blog, I did not really know what to say. 
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Over various points, I have thought about what influences how well you can do in something and what you can achieve. I was thinking more particularly about all those moments where it all seems undoable and you want to give up on what you are working towards. The really hard points where you can lose the reason why you started in the first place and it all feels uphill. The defining moments where if you choose to carry on, it could be the difference between you achieving something or not achieving it.
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ABOUT ME

ABOUT ME
Hi, I am a 22 year old woman sharing my thoughts and honest experiences on life. My aim is to help, inspire, motivate, and remind you that you are never alone no matter what you are experiencing.

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