Toxic things to stop saying to yourself

by - April 12, 2020

Changing a toxic mindset graphic with palm tree prints, speech bubbles and hearts

I have a lot of time to think and reflect recently. That has made me much more aware of my inner dialogue. It has also made me aware of some thoughts I sometimes catch myself having that I need to change. This is not an exhaustive list- these are just some of the things that I have found I have told myself (over the years and generally) and isn't helpful. Some I have already changed my outlook to- others are still a working progress.

1) That you are bothering someone if you are asking them for help. In the same way that you have helped others, it is completely fine for you to ask someone else for help. In my case, I find I don't think twice about helping someone else going through a difficult time and trying to support them - particularly because I always think about how I would also want someone to do that for me. But, when it is me that is struggling and particularly when thinking about talking to a friend, I sometimes can't shake the feeling that I shouldn't because I am just bringing them down or dumping them with my problems- this, however, is not the case- remember the way you have also supported others and deserve that too. 

2) That you don't deserve to feel sad about a situation because there are people in much worse situations that are coping. I find this mindset to be particularly damaging because you are telling yourself that you don't have a right to feel the way you do- that you shouldn't feel sad. I think it is so important to acknowledge how you feel and validate it- it is normal to feel sad and you have the right to feel upset about a situation no matter what it is - everyone is affected by different things and someone else being in an awful situation doesn't take away from the fact that you may be struggling or upset.

3) That you shouldn't apply for something/ try and take up an opportunity because you are not good enough and there are many other people who would do it better. Give yourself the chance to try - you will not know your abilities until you try something. Also, you have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to win. The worst you will be told is that you were not successful, in which case you will be in the exact same situation you are now - even with more experience because you can learn of where you might have gone wrong.

4) That you are an awful person for hurting someone else - I find this particularly hard. But, everyone makes mistakes and will hurt someone accidentally at some point in their life. Forgive yourself. If someone doesn't forgive you and keeps holding you to something that you have apologised for and tried to make up for, it is on them not you. They will also do wrong at some point because no one is perfect so you don't deserve to hold yourself to a mistake.

5) That you don't deserve to voice your opinion. Sometimes people can try and make you feel like you don't have views worth listening to just because it does not align with theirs. It can be easy to internalise this. Your opinion is valid - you have a right to state that in the open - freedom of expression is a human right.

6) That no one else will understand your struggle and that you shouldn't open up because people will get the wrong end of the stick. Yes, some people will not understand, but that isn't everyone. I can guarantee there will be someone who cares about you who will take the time to make sense of what you feel and it is a relief to not bottle everything up.

7) If you things go wrong, that it is all your fault. Sometimes you may play a part, but I have definitely in my head overemphasised the role I played in the past when things went downhill. There may be moments where someone snaps at you or acts in a particular way around you because of something completely unrelated to you.  They could have had a bad day, they could be stressed, or just be off that day- we all have those days.

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  1. Wow. This post got to me. #2 and #5 are very relateable. I agree with you, one cannot invalidate their feelings just because someone else have it worse. Same goes when we unknowlingly compare ourselves to those who almost have it all. Focus on self improvement. Also if one ends up in an argument because others won't listen to his or her opinion, best way is to agree to disagree. There is no point on imposing one's own beliefs to someone, but rather just be open minded and acknowledge the difference in views. Our world will be better place if everyone is more compassionate and understanding.

    I love reading your blog. Added you to my blogroll♡

    Have a nice day!

    A. Choi

    1. Thank you so much - I agree that being open minded is really important- we need to be able to understand all perspectives. Thank you for checking out my blog and I am so happy to hear you like it. Hope that you also have an incredible day. ✨


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