Friendship - friends and real friends

by - November 28, 2019

Graphic with pink flowers and pink and black circles

Finding out the people that are really there for you is something that I think we all go through and often it is when you are going through a hard time that you find who is really there to stay and your real friend. There is a saying that goes that you can count 'real' friends on the fingers of your hand and I’ve come to realise that it really is true. Some people may not call people who aren't true friends, friends at all- I use the word friends because they are still people I enjoy spending time with and care about, they just aren't people I can count on when push comes to shove.

I have many friends. I tend to hang around a mix of people. But, I think there really is a distinction to be drawn between general friends and true friends. Friends are people that you can fun with and enjoy each others company. True friends are friends you can count on if you're upset- when your life does not look glamorous and everything feels uphill. People who will stay in your life when you don't feel like yourself and are at your most vulnerable - they will not push you away when you really need them. People who will check how you are feeling and take an interest in your life. Not just someone who you can enjoy company with. They are people you don’t get that awful nervous feeling in your stomach when you have to open up to them or be honest with them.

I find with a lot of friends that they will just be with you for a period of your life. For example, secondary school, university, whilst you are at a job. But, after you move onto the next stage of your life, they disappear as quickly as they entered your life and they seem to have completely forgotten about your existence. For me, this is one of the key elements to distinguishing friends and true friends. How long has your friendship lasted?  Have they been a friend that has kept in contact with you throughout the years and continues to do so? Or at least someone who makes an effort to stay in contact when you try to do that. Someone who continues to take an interest in your life? Who isn’t too ‘busy’ to check how you feel? 

Being ‘busy’. I found this is a key way of distinguishing friends and true friends. Do they make time for you? We’re all busy. I have had people who every time I have tried to catch up with them, they always had an excuse as to why they couldn’t because they had x,y,z on. Any time I needed them, there was always a reason why they couldn't be there or did not have time.  The irony is a lot of those "friends" always had time for me when they needed my help.
 I am fully understanding that there are moments where your friends may not be able to support you, but this should not be all of the time Everyone will likely always have something going on in their life. It isn’t like you don’t have things going on in your life. I mean I usually always have something happening and I tend to keep myself occupied with goals etc. The difference is you are making time for who you care about and either they don’t or you aren’t one of those people. This doesn’t mean that they are bad people - it just means that they aren’t friends you can really count on, which isn’t the nicest thing to come to terms to, but is true. For me, this doesn't necessarily mean cut them out of your life (unless it is really just you giving all the time and not getting anything back making it toxic), but knowing that those are people to have fun with and not much more. Good people can also be really toxic friends- I have friends that I could tell had a good heart, but were toxic for me because it was a very unequal friendship. In those cases, I do recommend walking away from them for your own wellbeing.

I’ve written this post because friendship has been on my mind recently and I find these kinds of things are not spoken about honestly enough. On social media and generally, there is an impression that everyone has lots of *true* friends and we don’t share when people let us down. We don’t share enough the fact that time and time again, it is only a small portion of people for most of us that really stick by our side and are always there. That is normal and it is the case for most people- so I've written this to normalise something that is already happening to lots of us anyway.

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  1. I related so much to this. Having friends is so much different than having true friends. It's great once you get at least one or two people you can really count on because it's rare. I agree about making time. If you really value someone, there is always compromising and just working it out. In the end, we are able to distinguish which friends fall into certain category. And that's even when we wish that they are not only people you have fun with because YOU value them as more than just friends, but a true friend.

    Tiara |

    1. Yes you've completely got what I was saying and I agree with you. Certain friends do fall into certain categories and I can 100% relate to valuing some people as true friends, but it not being reciprocal. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog - really appreciate it. 💜

    2. Of course! I really enjoyed this topic as I've had friends who I look back and all I think is: I miss them. Lol

      Tiara |

    3. I think it's something we can all relate to some way or another. 💕


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