Knowing when it’s time to let someone go

by - November 10, 2019

lilac and pink graphic with a plant and a bird

We all have friends, boyfriends, girlfriends etc.- people that we sometimes we want to hold on to. People we don’t let go because we think we should keep them or aren’t ready to let them go, but we’d be better off without them in our lives. This is something that isn’t easy. Sometimes it’s something that can make me feel guilty because I know that as people we aren’t perfect or I think about how things were before. But, it’s important to recognise when someone just isn’t healthy for you- this doesn’t mean that they are bad people or that you have to fall out with them. Just that maybe you need some distance. Below are some of the signs to when it could be time to let someone go.

Graphic with a list of behaviour that suggests it is time to let someone go

1) You are putting in all the effort. Any relationship (friendship, partner etc.) should be mutual. If you find that you are always the one checking up on others, always the one that seems to be trying to make it work, it’s time to let it go. Whilst I am a person that doesn’t give looking to receive, you shouldn’t have to be always the one that is giving. Having support back is important and necessary. You are a person that deserves attention too.

2) If you are always the one having to take the blame - yes there will be sometimes when we are at fault. But everyone makes mistakes and you shouldn’t be the one consistently being told it is all you. In any relationship, if something goes wrong, both parties are at fault, even if sometimes one may be more to blame than others. For something not to work in a relationship both have to be on board- one person can't make it work by themselves.

3) If you are the only one that seems to be honest and open. Communication is so important- sometimes it can be really hard, but it is necessary. If you are the one that is always bringing up maybe things that aren’t quite right consistently and you find that people are not upfront then you’re better off just keeping a little distance and not being as close.

4) If you have done all you could, but they just don’t want to sort things out. You could have made a mistake, but if you find they consistently avoid properly talking things through, then you’re better off without that kind of person in your life.

5) If they don’t respect your boundaries. We all have boundaries - it is healthy to have boundaries. But if someone isn’t respecting your view and the fact that you don’t want to do something because it may make you feel more uncomfortable, then they aren’t the right person for you. Friends or boyfriends/ girlfriends should be supportive - they can state their views, but ultimately you should never feel like they are consistently forcing you to do something you don’t want to do.

6) If you don’t really have the same excitement to be around them that you once did. If you feel someone is suffocating, too much, draining all your energy or you just don’t leave feeling as happy, then it’s time to let them go. There is nothing wrong with just acknowledging that a connection is no longer there. It can be because people have changed, or simply that you have just got to know someone better and it isn’t really your type of person. It doesn’t mean you have to fall out with the person, but for your own mental health and happiness, there is nothing wrong with just keeping more of a distance.

Cutting people off can be difficult- I don’t find it easy sometimes. Taking that step can be brave. It can sometimes feel a little bit harsh. But, there is nothing wrong with making a decision for your own wellbeing and to make you feel happier. You don’t have to hang out with someone who isn’t adding more positivity or support in your life or making your life feel more complicated. It doesn’t mean you have to be on bad terms with anyone. As people we connect with others for different reasons at different points in our lives - it’s okay not to have a connection with everyone and it is normal. It is fine to lose a connection with someone - it happens to all of us. So here is to not feeling guilty when you choose to lose contact / grow apart and distance with someone that just wasn’t quite the right fit for you.

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  1. I absolutely adore the concept of this post - such great advice here! Everyone needs to read this post x

    Soph -

    1. Thank you so much! I really appreciate your comment and you taking the time to check out my blog :) I am so glad you find it helpful. It such a nice feeling to know that content I put out there can help someone in some way x

  2. "it’s important to recognise when someone just isn’t healthy for you- this doesn’t mean that they are bad people or that you have to fall out with them. Just that maybe you need some distance."

    I've been thinking about this as Thanksgiving approaches, and I am potentially going to see people who aren't bad, but our energies just don't mix. I feel pleasantly grown up to distance myself without any feelings of malice!

    1. So glad to hear it! :) It is a completely natural thing and sometimes isn't spoken about enough. We all grow apart from people and it is not necessarily a bad thing. Hope you have a wonderful thanksgiving.


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