Esterella

Emotions in a bottle, a plant and 2 red hearts (one broken and another with an arrow crossing through the heart) with calligraphy reading how are you really feeling?

How many times have you automatically answered "I am okay" to the question how are you? Without even thinking. Without properly taking a moment to pause and question whether you really feel okay. Or openly admitting that recently you may not have been feeling yourself. It has always been obvious to me that we avoid talking about mental health and difficult conversations as to how we really feel, but I suppose never as much as now. Coronavirus has isolated us a lot and made it so much easier to lie, especially because a lot of our communication is now through a screen. It is so easy to type the words "I am fine" on your phone whilst actually crying your eyes out.

Sometimes we keep going mindlessly. So much to the point where it all becomes monotonous and we are not sure why we started in the first place. We forget our why and what the original goal of everything was. That happened to me recently. I was just getting things done for the sake of getting them done - I did not see the point, it was just something that needed doing. The original spark or motivation I once had was gone and so I needed a reset. A way to start fresh.

Envelopes with hearts, and hearts against a pink background. Text reading redefining valentine's day, self love.

It is Valentine's day today. I have seen a fair amount of posts surrounding Valentine's day and the typical how to find the perfect gifts etc. But before you can be happy in any relationship, you have to know how to love yourself. That is why I wanted to talk a little bit about self-love this Valentine's day. It feels somewhat cringey and unoriginal talking about this, but I think it is an important one.

Fear of missing out and how to cope with it- confetti and flower design in the corners.

As we are trapped in another lockdown and coronavirus seems to be dragging on for what feels like forever, it can be easy to feel like you are missing out. I know the thought definitely sometimes comes to mind for me. I sometimes can't help but feel like I am missing out on a university experience and being young at the moment - living life to the fullest as such. It is okay to feel sad about lost experiences, and only natural. However, if this is your only focus, it can get you into a rut and thinking about it like this constantly is not a good way to look at it.

Rainbow butterfly. Text reading at the top - letting yourself be. Going with the flow

Going with the flow- doing things in a way that feels right for you in the moment without overthinking it too much. The best way to be creative - it allows you to get lost in the magic of the moment. To forget expectations, do what your body asks you to do and express yourself. But, sometimes it is so hard to do because we are almost taught not to do this. We get lost in what the final result will be, in making sure it looks perfect or a particular way because that is what we have been taught is 'beautiful'.

Galaxy and stars with writing reading knowing your worth

I was recently thinking about what to write. Overthinking it and especially aware of the fact that I’m just a 20 year old girl studying law. What I write about and share on this blog isn’t an area I can say I am an expert in. I’m not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. What I know about psychology is purely out of interest and there’s still so much I need to learn. I’m simply sharing my life experiences and things that have helped me. Words that I think others need to hear too. I wondered what someone like me can possibly have to add. What I say in my blog posts isn’t necessarily groundbreaking. It may even be things you already know. That got me thinking about value. About how everyone has a voice and adds value in some way and how the way I was thinking about it was wrong. Sure, what I say might not be something you’ve never heard before but it’s based on my unique life experiences. They are words that can be comforting to others. Words that although not necessarily completely new, words people may need to hear.

It is no secret from my blog that 2020 was an incredibly difficult year for me. With the start of a new year and 2021 coming up, in my current circumstances, the idea of a fresh start rings truer than it has ever done before. I am not a fan of the whole new year, new you because I don’t believe that a new year necessarily means drastic change - I believe in taking things step by step rather than expecting a transformation out of the blue. But, the opportunity to start fresh (especially around new year) has always appealed to me and even more so this year.

2020 was nothing like I think anyone imagined it would be in so many ways. Generally on the internet as a new decade, it was hyped to be such an incredible year. Instead, this has potentially felt like the longest year ever, being difficult from the very start in January to December, and one of the hardest years, if not the hardest year of my life. As a year that put me through a lot and for the most part seemed to be playing games with my mental health to see how far it could push it, I have learnt a lot. From recognising my limits, learning to reach out more for help and that I am so much stronger mentally than I ever gave myself credit for, 2020 is definitely not a year I ever want to have to go through again. However, it is a year I will forever remember for all the hardship and growth out of things going very wrong.

I turn 20 today - it does not seem real and although it is my birthday, it doesn't quite feel like it. I used to think that turning 20 was a lot, and even though it really isn't old, it feels old to me. It really goes to show how everything is all about perspective because, in the grand scheme of things, I am still very young.

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