Bullying: my experience

by - July 05, 2020





Bullying- something I realised I've experienced, but haven’t spoken about on here. I wanted to create a post with hope that maybe it can help someone else or can be relatable. I hope that to those that can relate that this brings comfort that you are not alone.

I never quite understood just how much bullying can impact someone until I went through it. Even when it was happening to me, I often found that certain people would be adamant of labelling it as something else to try and play it down. Now, a few years later, whilst I’m a stronger and more confident person that can stand up for myself, the memories of the spiteful things some people did and said will stay with me forever. This is not a post looking for sympathy. I created this with an aim to help and as the advice I wish I was given when I experienced it. In this post, I want to talk about some of my experiences and things that I found helped me or feel could help someone in a similar situation. I also want to acknowledge that bullying is very often thought of being reserved to school settings, when that’s not the case - it can happen to anyone, anywhere and as such bullying in the workplace exists and this shouldn’t be downplayed or ignored.


Things that would have helped / have helped me: How to deal with bullying


Recognising the behaviour for what it is. 

This can be really difficult and, I suppose is somewhat ironic coming from me, considering that I didn’t see it for what it was then when I experienced it. When people are horrible and continually exclude you from everything, talk behind your back and sometimes physically grab you, or corner you it’s not just a couple of one-offs. Nor is it that you aren’t likeable or good enough. In my case, the bullying coincided with the knock in my confidence common to teenage girls. My insecurities led me to downplay the situation often and look for all the reasons I could potentially be to blame. I also recognise I had many toxic friendships that didn’t help. But, realising that someone’s behaviour isn’t on you and is unacceptable is the first way of beginning to handle it better. It allows you to see it for what it is and as such know that you are not at fault.

Ditch the whole “the bully is going through a bad time and that’s why they’re targeting me” mentality. 

Honestly, when it comes to bullying I think this is one of, if not the most harmful mentality. Why? Because it justifies the bullies’ actions. Someone going through difficult circumstances can be an explanation for their behaviour. But, it should never be a justification. At the end of the day, every single one of us will go through difficult experiences in life (even though I’m aware due to a range of inequalities some have it much harder than others). Someone going through difficult points in their life doesn’t excuse treating others awfully for something that’s completely out of their control and not their fault. If anything, pain from difficult circumstances should be a reason not to put someone else through it. Especially if the bully has knowledge that they are hurting someone else, which they often do, they should have enough self-awareness to recognise that what they are doing isn't right and be able to apologise. So don’t let people try and convince you that it’s not so much of a problem and insignificant because it’s simply a reflection of the bully going through a hard time. ***I do not in any way mean by this to disregard what can be a really difficult situation for someone else and the fact they may actually be very hurt. I am aware in certain situations, it can be a manifestation of trauma etc. I just think that it is too often used as an excuse to devalue or gaslight someone else's experience - this I don't agree with and was actually a very harmful mindset for my mental health.

Toxic friendships 

Walk away from toxic friendships and friendships that condone the behaviour. This can actually be really hard- I know because I remember it so well. It takes bravery and in a way is part of your journey of self-love to recognise that you deserve better and that you will find other people. When you get trapped in toxic friendships, it’s all too easy to get caught in the mentality that you actually need them as friends, especially because when people are so mean, you tend to want to cling on to anything you have. But, walking away stops you being as surrounded by people who do not value you for who you are even if you do continue to be bullied.

Block people 

For cyberbullying: block people and delete unkind messages (but make sure you screenshot them and save them on your computer in case you ever need evidence). Technology and its misuse for cyberbullying is sad and can mean that it feels like you can never escape the bullying. But, if there is one advantage of it being on your phone it is that you don't have to read any messages you don't want to. Take a break from your phone and do not be afraid to block accounts, phone numbers and report it if it is happening on social media platforms. Then log out. You deserve better.

You have a voice 

You are not just a victim, you’re a warrior and you have a voice to tell your story. Sharing with others what you are going through is important. When you’re the target of unkind behaviour 24/7 or even just over time, you can begin to think that you’re worthless and that your side of the story doesn’t matter. It does. It always will. It can be easy to fall into a trap that there are people who have it worse so what you have experienced does not matter. That is not true - there will always be somebody in a worse situation and a better situation- that does not invalidate your experience. Comparison is unhelpful when it comes to dealing with personal battles and behaviour that is unacceptable in the first place. There will be someone that you can talk to that can support you- whether that be a close friend, family member or a counsellor. 

There’s a lot I’ve learnt and grown from having experienced bullying and I don’t want this to be a post people see to pity me - I know there are individuals who have had worse experiences. Rather, I hope that you use this post to learn and hopefully take something useful. As this is a big topic, I have tackled more in relation to coping with it in a post called dealing with unkind people. In that post, I explain what helped me the most to deal with the behaviour.

If anyone going through this now is reading this post, I’m sending you virtual hugs. It’s hard, but you will get through it and you’ll come out of it a stronger person.


Help keep me going ๐Ÿ˜Œ

You May Also Like

0 Comments

Thank you so much for checking my blog out! ๐Ÿ™‚