As we are trapped in another lockdown and coronavirus seems to be dragging on for what feels like forever, it can be easy to feel like you are missing out. I know the thought definitely sometimes comes to mind for me. I sometimes can't help but feel like I am missing out on a university experience and being young at the moment - living life to the fullest as such. It is okay to feel sad about lost experiences, and only natural. However, if this is your only focus, it can get you into a rut and thinking about it like this constantly is not a good way to look at it.
I was recently thinking about what to write. Overthinking it and especially aware of the fact that I’m just a 20 year old girl studying law. What I write about and share on this blog isn’t an area I can say I am an expert in. I’m not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. What I know about psychology is purely out of interest and there’s still so much I need to learn. I’m simply sharing my life experiences and things that have helped me. Words that I think others need to hear too. I wondered what someone like me can possibly have to add. What I say in my blog posts isn’t necessarily groundbreaking. It may even be things you already know. That got me thinking about value. About how everyone has a voice and adds value in some way and how the way I was thinking about it was wrong. Sure, what I say might not be something you’ve never heard before but it’s based on my unique life experiences. They are words that can be comforting to others. Words that although not necessarily completely new, words people may need to hear.
It is no secret from my blog that 2020 was an incredibly difficult year for me. With the start of a new year and 2021 coming up, in my current circumstances, the idea of a fresh start rings truer than it has ever done before. I am not a fan of the whole new year, new you because I don’t believe that a new year necessarily means drastic change - I believe in taking things step by step rather than expecting a transformation out of the blue. But, the opportunity to start fresh (especially around new year) has always appealed to me and even more so this year.
2020 was nothing like I think anyone imagined it would be in so many ways. Generally on the internet as a new decade, it was hyped to be such an incredible year. Instead, this has potentially felt like the longest year ever, being difficult from the very start in January to December, and one of the hardest years, if not the hardest year of my life. As a year that put me through a lot and for the most part seemed to be playing games with my mental health to see how far it could push it, I have learnt a lot. From recognising my limits, learning to reach out more for help and that I am so much stronger mentally than I ever gave myself credit for, 2020 is definitely not a year I ever want to have to go through again. However, it is a year I will forever remember for all the hardship and growth out of things going very wrong.
I turn 20 today - it does not seem real and although it is my birthday, it doesn't quite feel like it. I used to think that turning 20 was a lot, and even though it really isn't old, it feels old to me. It really goes to show how everything is all about perspective because, in the grand scheme of things, I am still very young.
2020 has definitely thrown a lot of new situations at everyone that we did not expect to experience. It might mean that plans we originally had have gone out the window. I have had various realisations recently - all of which are not what I originally had in mind. It has been a little scary because I am going against the norm, or a case of this just is not the circumstances I would thought I would be in. But, I know that I am not the only one and that COVID-19 has changed things for everyone. Whilst we are isolated, we do have a common hardship we are all going through- a very rapidly changing world and environment.
With the announcement of a second lockdown in many countries, it is safe to say that there are a lot of things going through everyone’s minds. At the moment, it is so easy to get caught up in everything and feel like we’re constantly on go - constantly worrying. That everything is just too fast and we can’t keep up. Lockdown is challenging enough and we are all in different circumstances fighting our own battles. Switching off can be difficult and somehow I still feel the same amount of pressure to carry on as if everything is normal when it really isn’t.
Bullet journaling was admittedly something I first heard about through the internet, especially when it became more of a craze and popular thing. I had no idea what it was beforehand. For those who may not be aware, bullet journaling is a method of personal organisation contained all in one notebook and something you can put as much or as little effort into as you like. It is a way of organising everything in your life - that can be from books you want to read, to deadlines. I was initially unsure whether it was something I could incorporate into my life. One Google of bullet journals will show you works of art and very intricate designs. It can be quite daunting and seem very impractical as you often get very pretty and time-consuming spreads. In the last year or so, however, it has become one of my favourite ways of organising myself. I have loved how adaptable and useful it has become for me and I wanted to share why I think this is something anyone can incorporate into their lifestyle - how it can allow you to feel more put together.
I’m always on the lookout for signs that I need to take a break or pause. Spotting the warning signs early on can be so beneficial and avoid burnout or feeling very overwhelmed afterwards. Over the years, these are the signs I’ve spotted in my case that indicate that things are not okay, or at least not the way they should be and I need to take time for myself. Signs will look slightly different for everyone, but if you resonate with any of these, first of all, I am sending you virtual hugs and secondly, please take time to look after yourself. You matter - don’t be afraid to reach out if you need support.
I am one of those people that typically tends to want to sort things out myself. I think it can be good to try and find your way out of your own issues- or at least be proactive in solving your own problems. But, this doesn't and should not mean that you have to always do this by yourself. I can recognise that when it comes to my personal life, I don't like asking for help as I find it difficult to reach out. This is something I am still working on, but am hoping I can change. I hope that this blog post serves as a reminder that it is OK and healthy to ask for help, regardless of how big or small you think it might be.
Social media is a powerful tool. It is a pretty big part of blogging for me as it allows me to share my work with more people. Connect with others. I do think social media can be used positively. Used positively, social media can contribute to good vibes and be uplifting. However, I have always had a love-hate relationship with it because whilst it can be used positively, it is really easy to fall down a rabbit hole and suddenly, it is not so good for mental health.
My blogging journey started sharing my photography. I found I had various photos which I wanted to share, but did not necessarily fit on my personal Instagram or on other social media. I wanted a place to be able share my love for photography with everyone, as well as experiment with my camera- that is how Esterella’s Photos came about. Yet, I realise that on this blog, I have not promoted my photography all that much. I am not sure if that is because I have always seen my photography as a hobby and I am not professional photographer. However, I do photograph a lot of moments, whether that be on my phone or camera. Anything I see that I think looks pretty will end up on my camera roll. Since how I got into blogging was through wanting to share those photos that capture the beauty in nature and in the ordinary, it is only right, there is at least one blog post about my photography journey.
I have written about friendships, and being okay by yourself, but realise I have never touched being single and happy. Over the last year, I’ve thought a fair amount about being single. Something about moving to university with the pressure and expectation that I am meant to find the love of my life at this point in my life has me thinking a lot about relationships.