I recently turned 19 (in December) and I just wanted to document a little on how it feels or at least part of the journey on growing older. This is a little reflection on what I have learnt over the years and this will of course inevitably grow as I get older.

We all have those moments. Sometimes we just feel down and we can't explain it. We have an empty feeling we just can't shake off or seem to feel miserable for no particular reason. It happens to the best of us. Below are some things that have helped me when I'm feeling down.

I usually always do a post at the end of the year. But this year, I wanted to do 2. Not just one on what I learnt in 2019, but also a general reflection and year in review.  I say this every single year, but I truly have no idea how 2019 has somehow come to an end. Here's some general thoughts on what I make of my experience of 2019.

Finding out the people that are really there for you is something that I think we all go through and often it is when you are going through a hard time that you find who is really there to stay and your real friend. There is a saying that goes that you can count 'real' friends on the fingers of your hand and I’ve come to realise that it really is true. Some people may not call people who aren't true friends, friends at all- I use the word friends because they are still people I enjoy spending time with and care about, they just aren't people I can count on when push comes to shove.

Having moved to university just over a month ago, I came to notice the importance of having a routine. It is no secret after all that as humans we are creatures of habit. But, out of moving out of home into university and university life, this has definitely been the most difficult part - getting myself into good habits and trying to make my life feel less hectic on the daily has been a challenge. So whilst I am trying to find a routine I like and can stick to, I am just going to talk about things I have done that have been helpful in somewhat finding the routine I kind of have now, which will probably change.

We all have friends, boyfriends, girlfriends etc.- people that we sometimes we want to hold on to. People we don’t let go because we think we should keep them or aren’t ready to let them go, but we’d be better off without them in our lives. This is something that isn’t easy. Sometimes it’s something that can make me feel guilty because I know that as people we aren’t perfect or I think about how things were before. But, it’s important to recognise when someone just isn’t healthy for you- this doesn’t mean that they are bad people or that you have to fall out with them. Just that maybe you need some distance. Below are some of the signs to when it could be time to let someone go.

How writing letters to myself has helped me

Yes, this sounds strange- sounds like something that could just make you feel awfully awkward and weird. But, writing letters to myself is something I started doing over the last 2 years and it's helped me in many ways. It has been a way I have motivated myself, got myself out of slumps and explored how I feel from more of an outside perspective. It has even helped with my self-esteem. I will admit it can feel a bit odd at the start, but there is a beauty to writing something just for you.

We are all always so busy - or feel the need to have things to do all that time that sometimes we neglect ourselves. We can get so caught up in helping others, giving ourselves to work, friends, family that we can forget to look after ourselves. Here are some of my fav things to do to reconnect with myself and sometimes just take that step back we very much need.

Having moved to a new city for university recently, identity and where I’m from is a subject I find myself talking about quite a lot. Meeting new people inherently involves presenting yourself and your identity (or parts of your identity). This has made it more obvious to me how identity is not something simple and there are many dimensions to it, which can sometimes be difficult to convey to people (especially someone you have just met or when you have a short period of time). This can sometimes leave you feeling a little lost or like you are not being true to yourself. 

I always find these posts really interesting to read and it is a nice opportunity to reflect on what I have learnt and the different ways I've grown. So here is what I would tell my younger self.

It is not new that there are unrealistic beauty standards set in the media, especially for women. This is particularly highlighted on social media - from photoshopped models to a lack of variety of body shapes and sizes and representation in terms of skin colour. 

Something I have got more into a habit of is setting goals for myself. I think I have always had some sort of target to keep myself grounded and focussed, but in the last two years, I have been setting more goals for myself regularly. For the past 2 years, I have enjoyed setting myself an overarching goal at the beginning of the year and then small goals in between to be aid reaching that bigger overall goal.  I like to categorise goals into personal and academic/ work, although sometimes the two can merge.

I think we have all been in a position where we have worried about the future. Worried about what is in store for us, or about not having things figured out. 

We all experience change - it is inevitable and happens and will continue to happen. It's not something I find easy if I'm honest. But, I don't think anyone does. When struggling with change, I used to beat myself up about it thinking that other people were better at it. Or that I just wasn't the best with it. Here is the thing, there is no magic formula to it and everyone struggles with it. No one is 'good at change'. There are some people who adapt to it more quickly, but everyone goes through a period of adjustment.

After taking the Harry Potter sorting quiz various times after not expecting to be sorted into Gryffindor (yes I guess I betrayed the sorting hat as you aren't meant to do that oops) and the Buzzfeed quiz with all the official Pottermore questions, it struck me how I was put in all the houses but Slytherin.  On the official website, I somehow seemed to end up with Gryffindor the most. Buzzfeed, in contrast, seemed certain that I was a Ravenclaw.

Comparison - something that can be so hurtful to yourself and almost inevitable. It usually entails looking up to someone who is supposedly doing a lot better than you and feeling less worthy because you have not achieved the same. I think most people do this even if subconsciously at some point (in my case and many others it is not done purposefully). 

In so many places, I have come across the importance of 'balance' - having a 'balanced' diet, a 'balance' between social life and work life and more generally the balance of sleep, social life and work. Whilst of course it is important that we are being careful not to overdo one and therefore burn out, I have come to realise that using this word can be a little misleading. When you think of balance, you think of equal. Yet when it comes to life, it's very difficult that you are going to get everything exactly equal.

Be you - such an overused phrase which can often sometimes lead us to think but how?  I've heard this phrase more times than I can count and I get why people use it. Being authentic is something so important not only for your own happiness, but to ensure you are making the right choices for you. However, I've personally found that people just telling you to be yourself doesn't always help or give you any indication as to how you are supposed to do that or even what it means.

This year, as one of the most academically demanding years I have experienced so far, with that bringing stressful situations, I have had to come up with ways to manage that stress (so as not to completely go insane). That isn't to say that I will not have more stressful years (inevitably as I go through the education system it gets harder, more workload and more stressful, but these are a few things that I used and helped this year). I am not a psychiatrist, therapist, psychologist or specialist of any kind- these are methods that helped me and hopefully they can help you too. If stress becomes unmanageable, remember there is always help available and there is absolutely no shame in seeking it.

Something that perhaps took me longer to realise than it should have is the fact that at the end of the day you are the one person you can trust to make sure what you want to get done gets done. People are not always reliable and there will come a point when someone will let you down. You may let yourself down at some point too - and that is normal and is okay. We are all learning. However, the difference is that you can control your actions, but you cannot control the actions of others. 

In a world driven by results, it is easy to get lost in whether you have reached a certain milestone or a particular figure. It can feel like it does not matter what effort or work we put in, if we missed the mark, we missed the mark. It can be all too easy to forget that our best is always good enough regardless of the result. 

Sometimes you can be your own worst enemy and the things you tell yourself can hold you back. Changing a little how you view things can have a huge impact on how you feel and your motivation. Sometimes it can even impact the result. Here are a few tips to help you think and feel a little more positive. 

The first thing to acknowledge with this is that it does not happen overnight and it is impossible to be positive all the time. It is normal to have more down days and not always feel positive. Achieving a more positive mindset happens gradually and it does not mean being positive all of the time. It is about having a more positive outlook on things most of the time.